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I have been close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered many challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's often blindsided by others. Her partner left her, which came as a huge shock. Several of her friends vanished at that point, as they were only interested in him. This surprised her. She put in increased attention to be my friend, likely understood better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Over the years, several of her friends have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. Her last employer turned on her, although she was very skilled at her work, and she left without knowing what had changed.

Present Situation

Lately, we've both stepped back from work and are seeing each other more, however, I feel my position between us is to listen. I start subjects only for her to redirect conversation onto what interests her. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. I attempt to recommend factchecking and alternate views.

She's been planning a holiday abroad I know well repeatedly and resided in previously. My intention was to share personal experiences, but this was unappreciated. She purely just desired validation of her decisions. I've just returned from 30 days in that country she hopes to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, yet I doubt she'll truly grasp the impact of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Right now, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

One option is to walk away, yet this is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. However, addressing it with a view to a solution demands strength and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically what a recording device would replay. Next involves sharing how this leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement on this point. Your feelings are your feelings, after all. The third step is to ask ways you together going to change the dynamics in your relationship."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to not say anything for half an hour."

This can be impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

Your friend may dismiss all you say, since certain individuals cling to a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a version of their life they cannot let go of as it feels essential depends upon it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no thoroughfare in such cases, just dead ends. However, she might at first react defensively then consider about what you've said. And should a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides peace from having been truthful.